Civility and Culture

Our brains are sensitive things.

We see a colleague being spoken to rudely and our amygdala responds instantly, alerting the hypothalamus to flood our brain and our body with chemicals to prepare us for action.

Our focus narrows, our heart pounds, we breathe faster. We are in stress response mode. Our cognitive resources, including those responsible for planning, decision-making, and filtering out unnecessary information are limited. Our brain and body are ready to fight or flee.  All because we observed someone being rude or insulting.

Christine Porath likens it to a storm inside our brains, noting that it leads to significant behaviour change:

“lacking a sense of psychological safety, people shut down, often without realizing it.” P 23

Incivility in teams has an equally negative effect, leading to less sharing of information, less seeking help - individuals are less likely to seek or accept feedback … to experiment, to discuss errors, and to speak up about potential or actual problems.

Yet despite the widespread - and well documented - damage that it causes, (see my earlier blog for more information) it appears rudeness is catching and can spread just like the common cold. 

The good news?

Civility is also catching.

Positive behaviours such as listening, smiling and not interrupting are also highly likely to be reciprocated and to spread. And they change perceptions - a smile and simple thanks resulted in people being viewed as 27% more warm and13% more competent.  

Employees who felt respected by their leader reported 56% better health and wellbeing, 80% greater enjoyment and work satisfaction, 92% greater focus and prioritization and 55% more engagement.

Clearly, civility is important and it’s worth the effort to change behaviours.

But what about different cultural perceptions?

Is it possible some groups might see behaviours as appropriate and civil while others may view them as rude or incivil? 

Two of Porath’s fundamentals of civility – smiling and saying please and thank-you - are viewed very differently across cultures. 

Some cultures frown on smiling, while Indian culture and Chinese culture have different ideas about saying please and thank you.

Many of our perceptions of civility are bound within our cultures, influenced by where we grew up. Often people are horrified to discover that their behaviours are being viewed as ‘rude’ by their host culture. Or that the polite actions they try to take are not valued or misinterpreted.

With this complexity in mind, in a global workplace what can we do to build civility and avoid incivility?

Porath’s other fundamental becomes the essential tool – Listening.

“Listening well is essential for creating, maintaining and deepening relationships; it signals caring, commitment and connection. Listening can also yield vital information and insights.” P 77

She encourages leaders to create norms within teams, not imposing civility but engaging each team member in an on-going conversation about what civility means and how to hold one another accountable.

If this is done using cultural intelligence, with attitudes of curiosity and openness, team members can learn from each other and share perceptions and expectations. In this way trust and understanding is built within the team and the positive effects of civility can be felt.

In a world where online offensiveness is common, where political dialogue is becoming more abrasive and when people are becoming comfortable shouting rude names at passers by, a workplace characterized by respect and civility will make a difference.

Porath, Christine. (2016) Mastering Civility A Manifesto for the Workplace