What did you just say?

Have you ever had a moment when you’ve said something you regretted?  The moment the words were out of your mouth you wished you could take them back?

I think we run an increased risk of experiencing those moments when we are living and working with another culture.  At least in the beginning, as we grow our cultural intelligence (CQ), or at times of stress, we may be more likely to say something less sensitive to those around us.  Sometimes it may stem from our own ignorance, our lack of really knowing and understanding the culture around us.  And sometimes it may come from our own frustrations with one part of our life that boil over, spreading poison into other aspects. 

Recently, in Australia, we had a public example of words that were later regretted.  One of our new politicians whose company has been in a long running legal battle with a Chinese State-owned enterprise made very public negative comments that were insulting, derogatory and inflammatory and, as he later said in an apology, “an insult to Chinese people everywhere.”

While our moments of regret may not be on public television for all to see, they can still cause pain or confusion and damage relationships, sometimes irreparably.  So how can increasing our cultural intelligence (CQ) help us to avoid these moments? 

CQ Strategy is the part of our cultural intelligence that helps us to be aware, both of others and ourselves.  Aware of what we are saying, and how that might be perceived by others, and aware of our own emotions and what things might be influencing us; knowing what will push our hot response buttons.

It’s that mindful ability to be in the moment, and manage ourselves.  So how can we increase it? 

• Begin a daily practice of mindful meditation taking time to focus on your breath, allowing your thoughts to come and go while bringing your attention back to your breath

• Take time to mindfully observe –it could be colours or shapes in the environment around you.  Note the differences and similarities in what you see around you.  It could be the people around you and how they appear.

• Try this with any sensation, taking note of the tastes and textures as you mindfully eat and drink; or with feelings of warmth, cold, discomfort or pain, or the smells or sounds in the environment around you

• Take note of your emotions.  Name them and notice them, accepting that they exist without judging them.  Notice the accompanying physical states that exist alongside the feeling

• Take the helicopter position sometimes when in a conversation, observing things from above both of you and then try to see the conversation from the other person’s perspective.

• And one of my favourite techniques –journal regularly and record your observations, reflecting on them and on your responses and others' responses to you.  

If you are planning to move overseas or have recently moved our guided journal is a great tool to set you up as you observe and reflect on your experiences and responses.  Right now Amazon has it on a big special  in their Fall Outlet event so order some for yourself or those friends or colleagues who will benefit.

(And here’s the bonus - by entering their details into the secret URL at the end of the book readers will receive invitations to our monthly webinars for free!)